God Have Mercy

Lately, things haven't been going all too well. For starters, John and I have been "drifting apart". >_<

We've talked about it, yet I still feel as if I'm being pushed further and further away. Friends have advised me to just stay where I am and let him do his thing. They told me to just stand by as see what he does, and to just let him be what he wants to be. They told me to just let go.. and so I did.

Damn it..

Everyday, I feel as though I'm "unwanted" even more. He tries to hug and kiss me everyday but it just doesn't feel whole. I hate it. I want things to go back the way they should be. I'm afraid of being left alone once again especially now.

Argh! This is sooooooooo frustrating, and yet I cant do anything about it since I gave him all authority over everything. I even gave him back my ring with the note that, he should give it back when he feels he can fully trust me again. And so far.. He hasn't. And what makes me feel even worse is that I'm doubting he'll ever return it to me, and if he does, I feel as though he'll be forced to since we have Ally.

God I'm hating myself right now..

"God have mercy and slay me tonight, so that I won't wake up to tomorrows dawn.." -Amelia Slaybrood